JAWS

JAWS · 06:26 PM

Out of the murky waters comes an ambitious effort from a little known person called Tholis. Attempting to create a remake of a widely known and highly loved classic is pretty controversial, but it should be interesting no? We shall see...

JAWS opens with a dark ocean with a small boat like object with a stool attached to it violently bearing the stormy sea. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a SHARK'S head appears to swallow the boat whole! This event is shocking and confusing. We can really tell that the director is trying to engage the viewer to think hard and follow each event closely. The viewer is left to ponder such questions as, where did a shark big enough to swallow a boat whole come from? and why after this event, does the ocean suddenly stop moving as if it is shocked by what has happened!? Skilled directing here keeps the audience guessing.

The next scene shows a black mother watching her white daughter(?) bathing/jumping in the lovely day time ocean. Strangely, the mother is sitting on the exact stool that was attached to the swallowed boat before. I think she may very well be involved with this shark but as I am confident in this directors precision, I'm sure it will all become clear in the end.

SUDDENLY, the JAWS theme kicks in and we can see the girl treading water from an underwater perspective. This clearly isn't good. I cannot express the sense of dread I felt as the girl inched forward every ten frames that bit closer to the camera. We cut back to the beach and see that for some reason, an attack has already happened! We see the girl already surrounded in what I presume to be her own blood with no shark in sight! The director clearly feels that this is too horrific to show and that he will keep the shark hidden and spend time and effort on a good looking shark when he reveals it fully nearer the end. This is clever directing. We see the girl sink into her watery grave as her black momma runs away, leaving the MYSTERIOUS stool behind.

The next scene takes place in the "default restaurant scene" in order to convey a sense of "simplicity" in the townspeople who are having a meeting about this shark. The director also makes them do the same talking action at the same time to display their "unity" against this shark. We see they are looking at a poster which states that there is a $3,000 REWARD to catch the shark. This is probably the price of the boat, the only thing we have seen the shark properly attack.
A brave renegade steps forward in front of the people and declares (in big grey letters) "I'LL HELP YOU". As he speaks, his body actually passes THROUGH the big grey text, conveying how together his mind and body are in what he says, proving his dedication. This is excellent character development and a wonderful entrance to by far MY favorite character so far in this film.

Then....THIS SCENE STARTS AGAIN. I don't know how he's done it but the director has somehow managed to LOOP the scene so that we are left with an endless cycle of the townspeople's dismay and horror at this seemingly innocent shark. This leaves the film open ended so that we the viewers can decide how the film ends. It's the final masterstroke on a piece of work with a lot more than meets the eye.

Demented Ferret · 06-27-2006, 11:43 PM

Ahahahahahaha! I must watch this movie immediately.

Tholis · 06-27-2006, 11:48 PM

wtf? didnt u see the end when they fight the shark?

Raz · 06-28-2006, 12:07 AM

No, it FREEZES at the end of scene 5 and fades into....SCENE 5! Surely there must be another way for me to view the "alternative ending" that will no doubt get cult following!

Raz · 06-28-2006, 12:11 AM

Even when I try and skip to the end and then rewind it still doesn't work. Oh the fun found in this bag of tricks feature!

Demented Ferret · 06-28-2006, 12:14 AM

Haha, dude - have you got the expansions downloaded and installed? That may be the problem.

Raz · 06-28-2006, 12:19 AM

I told you guys this movie was involving.

Tholis · 12:38 AM

idk. but basically i use 3 coffins, a cube a long cylinder for the mast, and a box to make the boat. and like RITE when they get out, the shark comes up and breaks the boat and eats the old guy. then the twist is that guy with the glasses who scubadives in the real movie? he dies too. then the guy who kills the shark is on the mast and somehow has a grenade with him and feeds it to the shark. it gets stuck in between the sharks teeth. so he shoots the pin out and u think the shark explodes. then the guy is jumping up and down in excitemant, when the shark comes up and eats him and bites the mast in half. THE END

Butterdmonkey · 06-28-2006, 12:43 AM

you n00b

Raz · 06-28-2006, 01:48 AM

Butterdmonkey · 06-28-2006, 03:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jay Gilsenan

wtf?

Raz · 06-28-2006, 03:59 AM

say it nigga

Scatterbrain · 06-28-2006, 08:50 AM

Hahaha! That's the best review i've read here in a while!

Sam Hughes · 06-28-2006, 03:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jay Gilsenan

Someone PLEASE tell me what part of a human body that is!

Raz · 06-28-2006, 03:18 PM

Darth Fyer · 06-30-2006, 04:18 PM

I'm assuming it's the arm/elbow. But i could be wrong.

Raz · 06-30-2006, 04:25 PM

It's a KNEE. IRON + KNEE. IRONY. ARGH DOESN'T MATTER * LOGS OUT OF THE MATRIX *

Ned · 06-30-2006, 04:35 PM

...I thought it was someone's contorted stomach, complete with belly button.

Raz · 06-30-2006, 04:37 PM

* LOGS BACK IN *

just wh* OUT *

Sever · 07-02-2006, 05:17 PM

This review made me laugh my ass off.

06-27-2006, 11:48 PM	#3
Tholis Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 168	wtf? didnt u see the end when they fight the shark?
Tholis Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 168

06-28-2006, 12:07 AM	#4
Raz Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 10,485	No, it FREEZES at the end of scene 5 and fades into....SCENE 5! Surely there must be another way for me to view the "alternative ending" that will no doubt get cult following!
Raz Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 10,485

06-28-2006, 12:11 AM	#5
Raz Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 10,485	Even when I try and skip to the end and then rewind it still doesn't work. Oh the fun found in this bag of tricks feature!
Raz Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 10,485

06-28-2006, 12:19 AM	#7
Raz Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 10,485	I told you guys this movie was involving.
Raz Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 10,485

06-28-2006, 12:27 AM	#8
Tholis Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 168	idk. but basically i use 3 coffins, a cube a long cylinder for the mast, and a box to make the boat. and like RITE when they get out, the shark comes up and breaks the boat and eats the old guy. then the twist is that guy with the glasses who scubadives in the real movie? he dies too. then the guy who kills the shark is on the mast and somehow has a grenade with him and feeds it to the shark. it gets stuck in between the sharks teeth. so he shoots the pin out and u think the shark explodes. then the guy is jumping up and down in excitemant, when the shark comes up and eats him and bites the mast in half. THE END
Tholis Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 168	Last edited by Tholis : 07-07-2006 at 12:38 AM.

06-27-2006, 11:43 PM	#2
Demented Ferret Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2001 Posts: 16,248	Ahahahahahaha! I must watch this movie immediately.

06-28-2006, 12:14 AM	#6
Demented Ferret Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2001 Posts: 16,248	Haha, dude - have you got the expansions downloaded and installed? That may be the problem.

06-28-2006, 12:43 AM	#9
Butterdmonkey Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 138	you n00b

06-28-2006, 01:48 AM	#10
Raz Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 10,485
Raz Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 10,485

06-28-2006, 03:59 AM	#12
Raz Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 10,485	say it nigga
Raz Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 10,485

06-28-2006, 08:50 AM	#13
Scatterbrain Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 8,564	Hahaha! That's the best review i've read here in a while!

06-28-2006, 03:18 PM	#15
Raz Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 10,485	...
Raz Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 10,485

06-30-2006, 04:18 PM	#16
Darth Fyer Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 656	I'm assuming it's the arm/elbow. But i could be wrong.
Darth Fyer Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 656

06-30-2006, 04:25 PM	#17
Raz Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 10,485	It's a KNEE. IRON + KNEE. IRONY. ARGH DOESN'T MATTER * LOGS OUT OF THE MATRIX *
Raz Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 10,485

06-30-2006, 04:35 PM	#18
Ned Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 1,742	...I thought it was someone's contorted stomach, complete with belly button.
Ned Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 1,742

06-30-2006, 04:37 PM	#19
Raz Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 10,485	* LOGS BACK IN * just wh* OUT *
Raz Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 10,485

07-02-2006, 05:17 PM	#20
Sever Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 89	This review made me laugh my ass off.
Sever Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 89